Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Letting Go...

Annabel woke up with a fever and a sore throat, so she couldn't go to school today.  Anita, however,  was feeling good and got ready for school, as usual.  Out of the blue, she tells me she could walk to school on her own.  I wouldn't have to drive her today, since Annabel was home sick.  I, of course, made up any and all excuses as to why I should drive her.  She explained how all of her friends walk to school on their own and why can't she?  It really took me by surprise.  I knew the day would come eventually, but I wasn't quite ready for it yet.  To be honest, I'm not sure I would ever be ready for it.

I thought things over in my head; things like, "After all, she is days away from turning twelve.  I have to let her go sometime.  I don't want to hold her back, but what if something happens to her, but what if she doesn't get there...but, but, but".  Anita said, "I know you love me and don't want anything to happen to me, but I'm going to be fine, Mom".  Deep down inside, I knew she was right, but I just kept fighting it.  I finally gave in, with a heavy heart, "Fine...you can go.".  

I called Nuno to see what his thoughts were.  He agreed with Anita and said I was doing the right thing.  So, I let her go...

It was time.  I went to the door.  Anita gave me a hug and kiss.  She said, `Have a great day, Mom.  I love you.  I`m going to be fine, don`t worry."  I said, "Okay, I love you too." and stood there in disbelief.  She walked out the door, down the steps, across the driveway and onto the sidewalk.  I closed the door slowly and peeked at her through the crack.  Tears rushed down my hot cheeks as I saw my girl walking quickly and confidently with a spring in her step; her hair bouncing from side-to-side.

I swung the door wide open; hoping she would turn around to look at me, possibly run back and say okay, Mom, maybe you should take me to school, but she never did.  I watched her from the door until she disappeared from view, with a heavy heart.  Memories came rushing back to me, of days when Anita wanted me to wait with her at the school until the last possible second before the bell rang. She would rather wait with me than go to the yard to play with her friends.  It doesn't seem like it was all that long ago.  

Time passes, things change, Anita's growing up and there's nothing I can do to stop it.  I called Nuno immediately and cried my heart out.  

15 comments:

  1. My dear Rosinda...My daughter...My best friend :)
    Yes, you're right, times flies...
    I'm so proud of you and Anita...Because of the heart of GOLD that you have you get so emotional, but you know what that's normal!
    As I was reading it I start cryng too. after all the same blood goes runs in our veins.
    God will Bless Anita and keep her safe, and will make you stronger as you need to let go certain things so she can grow up into a BEAUTIFUL and RESPONSIBLE young lady just like you! Love you all so much!!! Hugs and kisses

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  2. It doesn't get any easier..our oldest is moving to LA in a couple of weeks~our middle son is away at college~and youngest, starts high school in the fall..Where did the time go?? Yes, there will be tears at every step...tears of joy for their growth, tears of pride for who they have become, tears of sadness that the days of dependence are behind them...but, the LOVE remains and the memories fill the quiet time!! This was a big step~a moment to look back upon and smile at the simplicity of it...xoLaura

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  3. Michelle PimentelApril 30, 2013 at 1:38 PM

    Bittersweet moment! I absolutely love this post.... Your a loving mother with an amazing and mature daughter. xoxoxo

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  5. Rosinda I had tears coming down my face reading your blog today, it is hard being a mother watching your children grow but how blessed we are to have them, remember when we were 12 and we wanted our mothers to let us go walking on our own, how hard it must have been for our mother's to watch as well...it's bittersweet but it's a beautiful moment that you will remember for the rest of your life! Xoxo

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  6. Oh, it is so hard to let go but I am proud of you for taking the big leap of faith and helping her toward becoming an independent woman someday. It's all the little steps foward that count. You have given her a precious gift; trust and faith in her ability. It doesn't really get any easier, I still worry about mine and they are grown men.:0)

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  7. Darling Rosinda, all through this post I had the words of that Abba song in the movie Mama Mia playing through my head...'Slipping through my fingers...' Because it seems to fit perfectly. Maybe the only reason I'm glad I couldn't be a mom...the letting go part. Esther is going through this with my beloved 11 year old niece...so hard. But you are both brilliant mothers because you keep the worry & pain to yourselves and let them go free. Anita will be...is...a fabulous woman. And mainly because she and her sister have a fabulous role model. My thoughts are with you, sweetheart xo

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  8. Oh Rosinda! I do so know and understand those feelings! I think the oldest child is always the most independent one (at least my daughter was/is) and that's so difficult because we want to hang on to them. But, you know the best part? She will come to you time and time again when she really needs that mom's love and support and those are precious times. Anita ALWAYS will need you! It IS a scary world, though, so your feelings certainly aren't discounted. (Rachel, I saw Mama Mia with my oldest daughter and that song made me cling to her arm and cry right in the theater...still does every time I watch it!) Hugs today and get well wishes for Annabel! xo

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  9. I know exactly how you feel, Rosinda. I'm having trouble letting go of Mary and she's 14! It's so hard but I'm really proud of you...you handled it beautifully. I always tell my children their room will always be ready for them at Mommy's- even when they're big people. :) hugs. xx

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  10. Ahh you're making me about to cry. But I have to say if Anita went off then came back all scared saying please take me, that would not be a good thing. She's a big girl now but she will always be your baby. And soon she'll say Mom I can drive myself. At least you're years away from that. And when she comes home she will have things to tell you about the adventures she had that you missed. And gee I hope Annabel is feeling better soon. When I first read about this post I was afraid someone died. Far better news that someone had a rite of passage and grew up a little. Sending you hugs anyway! You're a great mom Rosinda.

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  11. She will need you in new and more important ways every day of her life. This is a first, but there are far more tests of the love of a mother and daughter. I'm sorry this is hard--call your mom. She'll remember how hard it was to watch you grow up and you will remember how much you need her every day. xoxo HUGS

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  12. As you know, my girls are 30, 32, and almost 34 (this Saturday). They still need me and I need them as well. Like a momma bird, it's absolutely your job to instill in them the ability to take good care of themselves, to think for themselves, to look out for themselves, to be aware...

    You've done such a wonderful job of being a mom, that part of that growing up and letting go is fearing that your job is done or coming to an end. The job changes, but it does not end....and I so understand the feelings you have as you watch your darling little girls become young ladies and then grown women. It's both beautiful and challenging. Hold on....shed those tears, count your blessings, lean on Nuno, and remember the robins in your yard. I'm sending you giant hugs and if all of us could just get together and make a circle and put you in the middle, we'd all be sending you energy and love and support....so imagine that beautiful Rosinda....imagine all these women around you....supporting you and loving you and feeling each of the feelings you are sharing with us.

    It's so hard..........

    xoxo

    Joann in Colorado

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  13. Loved reading this. I cant believe how big my little flower girl is. xoxo Anita

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  14. Boohoo! This makes me sad. I know the feeling so well... BUT I'll go to the next post for happiness... you know me lately lol!!

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  15. I found myself remembering the first day I rode my bike to school, oh so long ago. I was the one who cried! I was thinking of how proud my mother was of me and that she trusted me tomake the journey (short as it was) by myself. Thanks for sharing that moment with us. Your girls are growing up. Anita was so sensitive to you that morning and to your needs to stay at home. How precious! How wonderful! How proud you must have felt! Letting go is hard. But in your heart you know her journey in life will always begin in her heart... right where you, Nuno and Annabel will always be! xoxo Georgie

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